I am stuck. I feel like I am not going anywhere. But where am I trying to go? I have a faint idea of what my goals are, however, right now they seem unattainable. I feel like I am in a transition in which I am saying goodbye to my old life and my old self and waiting for my new self to arrive.
However, I am not frustrated, anymore. During a meditation, I received information to trust the process of my evolution. Some of the things in my head seem very illogical and it feels like I am tormenting myself. However, one of the benefits of Yi Ren Qigong is that is gives you the courage to look at yourself in the mirror and the power to change the things you do not like—albeit the process, at times, can be a bit uncomfortable.
I liken it to this, I am sure many of us have felt so down an tired, chaotic on the inside, that we cannot look at ourselves in the mirror, for fear of what our faces, with their alarmed eyes, might reveal. However, when I look at the mirror during times of crisis, I make it a point to change what I do not like. I smile at myself and remember I must love myself in order for anyone else to love me.
All around me, there seems to be chaos. People are coming into my life that are incredibly unbalanced and unhappy. They seem to be attracted to me, like they are seeking others to be miserable with them. The old me might have obliged, the new me has learned to cut these people off. This is not because I feel that I am better than they are, but because I have learned that some people have chosen—yes chosen—a life of misery. It is true that some of us are more prone to despair, but all of us have the wherewithal to turn our lives around by leading a healthy lifestyle.
An excerpt from Verse 15 of the Tao Te Ching reads. (to paraphrase)
The sage is…as chaotic as a muddy torrent.
Why “chaotic as a muddy torrent?”
Because clarity is learned by being
Patient in the presence of chaos.
Tolerating disarray, remaining at rest,
Gradually one learns to allow muddy
Water to settle and proper responses to reveal themselves…
If there are any of you out there that feel stuck as well, you are definitely not alone. My advice for you is to sit there and be stuck. This is not a time of despair—although it may seem like you will never be free again, you will. This is a time of excitement and a time to rejoice. Your eyes will soon see the world from higher ground and you will then be able to effortlessly look at yourself in the mirror and smile and look within and see how all of your effort paid off.
This is your Patient Warrior urging you to all be well and keep your faith, even through seemingly chaotic times.